Tag Archives: Jamaican Comedy


144 terrier dogs got an opportunity to migrate to Canada, making them Jamaica’s first to be placed through the international dog adoption program. The mongrels were taken via a chartered flight, heading to various homes. Just weeks after settling in a foreign land, two friends sat down with Oprah Winfrey for a shocking and exclusive interview. Below is the transcript of the interview:

OPRAH: Meganne and Harley, thank for being here. You both agreed to sit down with me for a revealing interview about your lives in Jamaica and what led you to offer yourselves up for adoption. Let’s begin there. What made you dogs want to leave such a paradise, Jamaica?

MEGANNE: Miss Oprah, juss look pan wi an si how wi stay! Look how wi look old an sickly like disease tek wi up. An before yuh ask… NO! Wi noh gat Covid. Wi jus noh tan good fi wi age.

OPRAH: (Nods) Yes, you do look sorta old and weak. What gives?

MEGANNE: (Barks) LACK A FOOD! Before mi and Harley get inna di shelta, di lady weh wi did live wid neva eva, eva, eva gi wi a good meal yet fram di day wi bawn! Bare bun-bun fram di pot battom an stale food wid maggot pan it!

OPRAH: (Shocked): WHAT?!!

HARLEY: A troo ting shi a talk Oprah. Yuh si all when mi nyam di stale food… mi belly cut mi like razor and when mi dee-dee up di place, di ooman tek har size 12 hoof an gi mi wan B!TCH kick inna mi gut side! More time mi fly troo di yaad fence!

OPRAH: (Shocked): WHAT?!!

HARLEY: Aaa sah!  Mis Oprah, it was a blessed day di shelta come pick wi up or else wi woulda dead fi hungry! Di way how di bone dem inna mi rib cage rub teggeda, mi skin all start gash fire to blurtnaught! (SMH) Life did ruff, mi naah lie.    

OPRAH: (SMH): Hmmnn, Hmnnn! That sounds cruel and awful. So tell me about the people of Jamaica in general. I have been to Jamaica and the people are the most friendly and welcoming people in the world.

MEGANNE: (Laughs) Heh heya! Mi noh know bout noh friendly Jamaican. Neva meet dem yet! Dem people dung deh treat daag like dem a secan class citizen!

OPRAH (Raised Brow): Elaborate, please.

MEGANNE: (Cross legs) Well Oprah, mek I tell yuh story. Wan day mi a walk paas wan lady name, Miss Erva, house an shi did a kill fowl di day. Mi sight wan fat fowl leg lay dung pan peica zinc. Troo mi well hungry, mi run troo har gate an grab up di fowl leg dem an bolt. Yuh know seh di ooman wait til night when shi know seh mi a sleep an come a mi yaad come tek wan plywood an buss mi @ss ova di lilly fowl meat!

OPRAH: (Shocked): WHAT?!!

MEGANNE: (Vex) Mi shoulda bite up har boombeet scaly foot dem but troo dem soh tough an dry, mi neva badda. Mi neva waan bruck di wan good teet Gad put inna mi mout.

HARLEY: (Chimes in) Miss Oprah yuh noh hear nutten yet. (Pointing) Yuh si dah big, black mark yuh si pan mi farrid?

OPRAH: Yes. It looks terrible! What happened to you there?

HARLEY: Well, dis happen fram wan a dem “nice Jamaicans” yuh a talk bout. Wan night I man horny yuh sheg! Mi did a look fi a nice piece fi goh shell dung. Wan stoosh b!tch did live 2 door fram mi. Soh mi goh check har an gi har a wan talk. Yuh shoulda si how di two a wi a rub wi nose tiggeda an puddung some sloppy wet kiss.

MEGANNE: (Fanning) Lawd Harley… skip di foreplay an get to di point! Mi is a daag inna heat yah now.

HARLEY: (Eyes wide open) Meg, shet up yuh leg dem! Yuh chun-chun deh pan red alert in front a Miss Oprah. A wah do yuh ooman?! (Continues) Anyway, as I was saying. Fi cut a lang story shart, mi an di gyal goh a di side a di house an pudding some daggy-style, lizzad lap, wheel barrow, Six tirty…mi did a kill har wid it, zeen! Dolly house mash up when har owna come round di carna an tek a big stone and klaat mi straight inna mi head! When mi come to …a pan wan road banking mi wake up inna wan pile a dankey dee-dee!

OPRAH: (Shocked): WHAT?!!

MEGANNE: Yuh tink dem nice to wi dung deh?! Mi is not a church going daag but mi have to give tanks to Gad Almighty fi show mercy soh wi can get wi Visa fi come a Canada.

OPRAH: You poor souls must be relieved. So how is life in your new home Meganne?

MEGANNE: (In a soft tone) Yuh mean “the Firm?”

OPRAH: (Curious) What do you mean by “the firm”? Is it bad there too?

MEGANNE: Well it noh too bad compared to what mi used to. But wan day mi owner gimmie some chicken soup inna wan silva bowl full to di brim! 

OPRAH: (Smiles) Aaaww…Well that’s nice.

MEGANNE: (Roll eyes) Nice mi backfoot! Di bloody soup nat evan have WAN flowa dumplin in deh! Bare so-so carrot an sinting name celery a swim inna di wata-dung soup. A which devil worshiper tell dese people seh yaad daag nyam carrot and celery, eeh?!

HARLEY: (Shocked): SEH WAH?! NO FLOWA DUMPLIN?! Dat is a sin before Jesas an im ten disciples!

OPRAH: Jesus had 12 disciples, Harley. Not ten. Anyway, how is your place, Harley? Are you comfortable? Is it like a “firm” too?

HARLEY: Everything good, enoh. Di only complain mi have a when mi new owna bark affa mi bout mi a run up dem phone bill. All mi a tell di lady seh mi have 13 baby modda mi haffi mine an dem a call I-man all troo di day a beg money since mi get di Visa, shi still noh get it (KMT).

OPRAH: (Raised Brow) I’d say you were one wild dog in Jamaica. 13?! Oh My Gosh! Anyway, one last question for you two. Despite all the challenges of living on the island, is there anything you miss about Jamaica that you can’t do in Canada? Meg, you first.

MEGANNE: Well, if mi ago bi trootful, mi miss di warm sunshine an di fact dat mi coulda walk a road. Up yah mi cyaan walk road unless smaddy have mi pan leash an a tag along behine mi. I HATE DAT YUH SI! Sometime mi waan leggo a big fawt but troo di ooman behine mi mi haffi let it goh lickle by lickle.   

HARLEY: (Nods in agreement): Yes, mi definitely miss di sunshine to an di ability to pup freely. Mi also miss di days when mi use to chase cyaar an bicycle, zeen. Mi cyaan do dat a Canada caah dem have too much rules an regulations. If mi eva try dat up yah, Babylon goodly write mi a ticket an all dem sheggries deh! An next ting govament DIP mi black backside back a country.

OPRAH: (Smiles) Well, Meganne and Harley, thank you for chatting with me. I have certainly learned more about your life as it was in Jamaica and I wish you both the best in your new lives.  

HARLEY: (Dap fist) Kool noh, sistren. One Love!

MEGANNE: (Flirts) Oprah, mi like yuh wig. Beg yuh it noh!

© Written by Joelle C. Wright  March 21, 2021

Jamaican Comedy Books by the author:

A Soh Wi Do It!

A Soh It Goh!

A Soh Dem Gwaan!

A Soh Life Goh