Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce Pregnant– Fans React (Funny Spoof)

Boardlane TV: Hello viewers! This is Boardlane TV at Longville Plaza in Clarendon getting fan reactions to the recent announcement of Jamaican sprinter Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce’s pregnancy. The young sprinter expressed how excited she was about embarking on this new chapter in her life. Let’s see just how excited track fans are about this. Come over here young lady and speak to our viewers on this matter. What do you have to say?

Rachel: (Smiling) Shelly mi noh wrong yuh, my girl! Noh do like Merlene Ottey an buss 50 an noh have wan pickney fi tek care a har inna har ole age. Di medal can tan fi anedda time. God neva gi yuh womb fi tun souvenir! Yuh is a woman an yuh mek fi breed an multiply …soh breed up mi sistren. BREED UP!! Mi dis glad fi know seh yuh husband tool a fix yuh right!

Boardlane TV: Very candid and interesting remarks. Young man you are nodding your head in disagreement. Do you have a problem with her pregnancy announcement?

Peter: (face wrenched): EEDIAT BIZNESS DAT! Mi lose affa Shelly! Bad decision dat star! Shi ago tek belly mash up har career! Shi fi concentrate pan defending di tikle an puddung baby bizness til gold a drip fram all bout har. Di only weight shi fi put aan a di weight a gold roun har neck. Some a dem athletes need dem head check to blurtneet!

The nearby folks in earshot of this comment, responded with vitriol …

Jenine: Yuh fava fawt! Bout bad decision! Di woman beg yuh anyting? Shi did beg yuh mi buy har baby nappy an provide har wid baby formula? Likkle bway, goh chuck off a flat bridge! Dyam mout set like when gas tek up maaga daag!

Lilian (Chimes in): Fi real, my girl. Im a gallang like di girl barrow im hood fi wan night. Di ooman mek har own money an shi deserve a life outside a di whole heapa running. Weh yuh want har fi do?… Wait til har Bio clock run outta battery fi start have pickney? It look like yuh lick yuh head pan concrete noh bway. Coo yuh to! Fayva dem blastid retail fowl.

Boardlane TV (Trying to gain control):  Ok, Ok! It is getting a bit heated here. I think he has heard enough. Let me get another viewpoint for our viewers. What do you have to say, miss?

Blossom (Vexed): Lady, before mi seh anyting mek a dun dah bway yah. (Pointing)  Hey dutty, stinking bway, yuh  mumma shoulda get fi har head check before shi breed an bring a monkey like yuh inna di world! Leave the lady alone and go find wok fi do. An noh Shelly mek yuh hungry!

Boardlane TV: Alright, Alright! Let him be. Go ahead and tell us what you think.

Blossom: Ok mam. All I have to say to Shelly Ann is to memba wi waan di baby fi have a royalty name like dem people ova Henglan’. If is a girl call har, ‘Grace Hie Pryce’ If a wan bway pickney im can name, ‘Guinness Hover Pryce’. An memba fi invite mi to di baby shower since a mi name di pickney! Love yuh shugga!

Boardlane TV: I am sure Shelly will appreciate your clever input. Well done. Sir, what can you add to this discussion?

Jeffery: Congratulations Shelly, baby! Mek a seh someting to di man of di hour. Respect due Mista Pryce! Di whole worl know seh yuh a good bowler cause yuh finally hit di middle stump. Shelly baby! Enjoy motherhood baby doll. An mek sure yuh siddung an mek dat buck toe heal in peace. Nobadda mek it swell up pan yuh. Only ting fi swell up a yuh belly.

Deloris (Adds): Yes! Congratulations Shelly. Madda Hood is a blessing, mi dear. Yuh fi do like Beyoncé an knock out two wan time soh – BRAPS! When dem si two pocket rocket weh look like dem wan anneda a come fuss an second, it ago mad dem pan di track!  Dem head ago spin like gig! Memba mi tell yuh! Two a dem wi waan!

Boardlane TV: Indeed! Indeed! I am going to take one more comment. Go ahead.

Lanette: THANKS BE TO GOD! Shelly mi know dat deh pickney ago grow good cause yuh madda grow yuh good! Jamaica well happy fi get wan Shelly Waterhouse grand baby. All wi a wait pan now a fi VCB husband fi leggo im soljah pan har. Wi need whole heapa grand babies dat can run faas! VCB! A weh yuh a wait pan?! A Breed up time now! Raaeee!!

Boardlane TV: With that said, Boardlane TV is proud to have brought you remarks from the streets her in Clarendon. We certainly had a mix bag but overall, the fans are just as excited as the Pryce family. Until next time, this is Wendy reporting. Have a pleasant day.

© Written by Joelle C. Wright  March 10th, 2017


Books by the author:

A Soh Wi Do It!

A Soh It Goh!

A Soh Dem Gwaan!


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