Why Jamaican Children Do Not Trick Or Treat

Ever wonder why Jamaican Children do not participate in Trick or Treat? Maybe this sketch will explain it.

Benny: (Knocking on the door) Good eveling… anybady deh here?

Ms Clarice: Is who dat a knack pan di door dem hours a clack when mi a look fi turn in sah? COMING!! HOLE AAN… Lawd mi cyaan even fine mi glasses. Is who dat a di door?!

Benny: A me Benny, Miss Clarice.  Me, Tony, Tamas, an Peta a Trick-a-Treat mam.

Ms Clarice: (Opens the door) Weh yuh seh lickle bway? Talk again, granny neva hear yuh good.

Benny: Wi Trick-a-Treating mam. Yuh gat any sweetie can put inna wi crocus bag?

Ms Clarice: Pickney yuh eva look inna di mirror an notice seh yuh noh gat any teet? A full time yuh tap nyam di whole heapa sweetie dem! Yuh noh si seh a only wan more teet lef fi drap outta yuh head!

Benny: No mam, mi teet a-rite! Dung to di odda day mi bite cane wid mi wan teet mam. Beg yuh some sweetie noh.

Ms Clarice: A-rite, ole an a minute…mi suppose to have some icy-mint inna mi bosom yah.

Benny: Miss Clarice,  yuh noh have nutten sweeta dan icy-mint, mam?

Ms Clarice: Bway pickney! Yuh eva get a good smell affa yuh breat yet? Is why yuh tink is icy-mint mi a look fi gi yuh? (Empting her bosom)) Tek dem …si dem yah an share dem up wid di ress a yuh nassy nose fren dem. Shoo! Goh home now!

The four boys walk over to another house.

Benny: (Calling out) Nurse Philips! Tricka Treat! Tricka Treat!

Nurse Philips: Benny! What on eart yuh doing trick-a-treating for candy when yuh know yuh not well?!

Benny: Nurse is Halloween an wi jus a beg sweetie fi di haliday mam. Mi feel fine tideh Nurse.

Nurse Philips: Benny, I am not going to give yuh any candy when yuh madda jus tek yuh to di clinic yessiday fi get worm medicine! Yuh know seh too much sweet-sweet a gi yuh dem whole heapa worm ina yuh belly? Chile, goh home before I call yuh madda fi get yuh off di street!

Benny: Arite Nurse Philips, mi going home now. Tanks fi di worm medicine yestiday yuh hear mam. (Cut yeye)

The four boys walk to a third house.

Benny: HOLE DAWG!! Maas Sunny ooyee! Maas Sunny, a mi Benny fram rouna lane a beg some sweetie sar!

Maas Sunny: Benny? Benny bway a yuh grow soh big an ugly?! Massi Jesas!  Benny a time yuh fi tap nyam sweetie yuh noh. Look pan yuh gut in front a yuh fi a lickle bway! Fayva like yuh ago deliva a cow any day now.

Benny: A noh sweetie mek mi belly soh big Maas Sunny. A troo mi madda cook plenty salt powk a eveling time. Beg yuh some sweetie noh.

Mass Sunny: Well mi have some juju sweetie inna di dressa draw. Ole an yah soh mek a goh get dem fi yuh an yuh nassy nose fren dem.

Benny: Tank yuh sah! (Jumping for joy) Yeaaaah!! Wi ago get some sweetie!!

Maas Sunny: Si dem yah… noh mine di biting ants weh a crawl ova dem. A troo dem ina di draw fi ova two year now. Mass Sunny a get ole an mi false teet caan manige di tough sweetie dem like wan time. Unu can brush aff di ants dem affa it. Dem nyam good sed way.

The four boys walk to a fourth home.

Benny: Bigga Don! Yuh deh bout?A mi Benny an mi fren dema Trick-a-treat!

Bigga Don: Seh wah lickle yute? Yuh a walk an a beg Sweetie?

Benny: Yeah man … mi get some sweetie fram couple people down di road excep fi mean Nurse Philips.

Bigga Don: Mek mi si how much sweetie yuh have inna di bag deh yout.

Benny: A noh much but it can do. Si di bag here.

Bigga Don: Mek mi si wey yuh have. Yuh have some Icy-mint an juju sweetie.. Niiiiceness! Jus weh mi waan! My yute mi jus done smoke a spliff an mi ago hole an pan dem sweetie yah, zeen?

Benny: (starts to cry) Waaaaiii….mi waan back mi sweetie dem … waaaiii… mi ago tell mi madda seh yuh tek weh mi sweetie dem.

Bigga Don: Hush up yuh mout and move fram mi yaad gate wid di bag a cow bawling, before mi set mi bad dawg pan yuh backside! Run weh!

Benny: (sob, sob) Move and gwey! Yuh big dutty teif yuh!

© Joelle “Wendy” Wright


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