This is Wendy reporting from Half-way-tree square where hundreds of Jamaicans witnessed the gold medal run from Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce. I am going to try to squeeze my way through this thick crowd to get some reactions from the jubilant on-lookers.
Boardlane TV: Miss, what do you have to say about that spectacular run from Shelly-Ann?
Nadine: Wooeeiii!! Lady, mi tell yuh seh mi glad bag buss when mi si di bald-head gyal Carmelita get a peica beaten like when mi ole granny use to tek cow cod belt an whoop mi behine fram Satdeh to Sundeh! Carmelita tek razor an shave aff har head caah shi tink dat did ago mek har get hair-o-dynamic fi win di race. In di meantime yuh si how Shelly-Ann have har nice, tall hair weave jus a blow wid di breeze an yet still shi run lef di gyal?! It sweet mi yuh si!
Boardlane TV: So you are saying hair or no hair, Carmelita had no chance?
Nadine: NAT a chance in SATAN hell!! Gole wi a defen, all day! If it mek outta Gole, wi a bring it back to Jamaica… wi a bring home di gole mine, di gole ring an di gole fish – it’s ganna be a gole rush like wi neva si before! (dancing) Raaaeeeee!! JAMAICA TO DI WORL WI SEH!!
Ragga: (reaching for the mike) Lady, mek mi seh someting to di worl weh a chune in to dis ting. Hear dah talk yah.Yuh si fram when wi a try show dem seh Jamaica a noh wan country weh yuh fi try come push up yuh chess pan bout yuh a challenge wi pan di 100? Yuh si fram when wi gi dem a chance fi back out an goh tek up egg an spoon race? Dem noh hear bout neegle an tread an crocus bag race? A dem ting deh di gyal dem fi goh do an tap train fi run 100 meta race. Dem show flop out fram Worl War four! An fram dem deh days deh wi a dun dem!
Boardlane TV: Very nice. Thanks for the candid remarks. You miss, you have not stopped jumping since the race ended. Tell us how you feel.
Patsy: (Waving a flag) JAMAIIIICAAAA WEH WI SEH!! A mash wi a mash dung Lundun, Canada, Japan, Merica, Israel, Africa, China – bring dem come..wi ready fi ANYBADY!! A who dem really tink dem a deal wid? Dem noh si seh Shelly-Ann a stallion weh barn an grow a Watahouse weh ghetto people a run fram gun shat everyday! Unu noh si when Shelly hear di gun pap, shi run weh lef di gyal dem?! Tell dem seh Patsy seh a gunman bring Shelly to dis stage of har life! None a dem odda people dung inna di Olympics know bout gunman, dats why dem cyaan come outta di block faas like Shelly!
Errol: (Gun finger) BLOP! BLOP! Gun salute pan dah wan deh, my girl! Real talk! Hear weh wi a seh know. Every man a pap aff a shat fi Shelly-Ann dung a Gaza city right yah now. Big up my girl, Veronica Campbell. Shi still a run wid har duck foot but shi win di bronze fi wi sed speed. Mi only sarry seh shi neva bruck Jeta foot. Yuh know weh wi call a girl like Jeta dung a Gaza city?
Boardlane TV: No. I sure don’t. What do you call them?
Errol: Dem deh gyal deh a weh wi call BREAD BACK! Simple becaah badman noh nyam bread back..wi dash weh bread back! Shelly-Ann, seh di gyal a bread back an dash weh dat, straight! Shi goh HARD-DOUGH bread an DUN har!
Boardlane TV: (Laughing) OK, sir. Thanks you fro the lesson in bread back. Mister, you are in such a good spirit. Tell us how you really feel.
Henry: (Singing the national anthem with pride) Eeeeternal faaadar, Bless wi hand…Tank yuh fi lickle Shelly-Ann … Keep us free from weevil flour… Give us rice fi countless hours…To our feeders, great pretenders..grant true…
Sandra: (Interrupting) Oye maasa! Tap mash up di national antem soh!! Dat noh mek it! If yuh ago sing di sinting, sing it prapaly or shet up yuh mout. In dis time when wi a tun 50 an deh pan tap di worl stage, a full time yuh goh larn di wod dem inna di sang. Yuh a galang like yuh neva goh primary school fi larn wi antem. Come man…do betta dan dat.
Henry: (Snaps) Hush up yuh flipping mout an lowe mi mek mi sing wah come outta mi heart! Renk an fayvah dem blastid bex face bullfrag! Miss, yuh ask mi how I am feeling an I have to say dis is a blessed day fi wi country. Mi proud a dat lickle gyal pickney an mi proud a all who larn dem fi gallop like race horse soh. Di lilly gyal have some renta yam foot deh weh tan up firm til di vein dem stretch out like ‘lastic. Shi remine mi a wan harse mi use to race dung a Caymanas Park. A same way di horse foot back did tough like turbit. Mi glad fi har soh til mi cyaan talk.
Boardlane TV: Bless your heart sir. Proud day for Jamaica in deed. Folks, Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce has won an impressive race, giving the Jamaicans much to be proud of. Until we see you again, this Wendy reporting from Half-Way-Tree.
by Joelle C. Wright Aug 4th, 2012
